Rosie Bowie, Chief Matchmaker – There are plenty for men to think about when dating – what to wear, where to go, whether to pay?
With counselling sessions and seminars we have run at Matchcompany I’ve isolated the top seven tips I would give to men who want to succeed with dating.
1. Look your best.
One of the most disappointing things about some of our male clients is that they simply do not put their best foot forward when it comes to preparing for a date. I know part of the charm of the kiwi male is the casual, she’ll-be-right look, but when it comes to dating, it’s a case of she’ll-be-turned-off if you look grubby, dress poorly and don’t look like your making an effort to impress. Make sure you look your best, smell good and dress tidily.
None of this is to say you should be creating a false impression. Far from it. You do however need to take some pride in your appearance and keep in mind the importance of first impression. Because the first impression may be the only one you get to make, so make it as good as you can.
Display confidence and smile. Surprisingly, perhaps, men are generally more nervous about first dates in particular than women. You need to be able to relax and do some simple preparation: have some neutral topics in mind and be prepared to talk about some thing you’re keen on so your passion and interest comes through.
Two tips, however. First, try and avoid the contentious topics of religion and politics. Second, when talking about your ‘passion’ be it rugby, fishing or whisky tasting, don’t bore and certainly don’t do all the talking.
It’s so overlooked but you must listen to your date and respond to what she is saying. So many people simply ‘miss’ when it comes to communication. Make sure you interact and show interest, as if she is the only person in the world. You cannot fail to make an impression if you make good eye contact and listen actively to what is being said.
Be empathetic and interested.
4. Be fun.
No-one wants a first date with a tedious bore who does nothing except talk about himself (this is really part of number 2, but we go further here).
Make sure you keep things light. This is a first date, not a job interview or an awkward meeting with an estranged relative. Apart from avoiding contentious subjects try and talk about interesting and fun things that keep things bubbling along.
The art of conversation is truly an art, but you can go a long way towards being an ‘artist’ if you do some preparation beforehand and have half a dozen or so topics or matters you can introduce into the conversation.
5. Avoid the baggage.
This generally involves your ex, so don’t discuss her unless asked and if so keep matters brief and non-contentious. There’s nothing worse than an aggrieved male or female who endlessly catalogues the misdeeds and character of their previous partner.
6. Offer to pay.
You should pay even though many women will insist on paying their share and some can become very firm on that. However the genuine offer to pay is something that will always make you look good and like the gentleman they would like you to be. You don’t need to make an issue of it, but certainly offer.
7. Follow up properly.
The follow up is important. If you feel you want a second date then certainly let them know you will call and do so relatively promptly.
If however you do not wish to, then do not mislead them by saying you will call when you either have no intention of doing so, or simply leave it and leave your ‘date’ in the dark and disappointed (assuming she was expecting or wanting the call).
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