Rosie Bowie* – I read an article recently that had been referred to me by a client and relating to the ‘thesis’ that love – that is, planning or choosing to love someone, is actually a choice.
And it’s true.
The article, which is here, posed some very realistic ideas of love in the real world.
While we all want to think that being married to your Mr or Miss Perfect is the most wonderful thing in the world, in fact we know that we are all imperfect and long after the excitement of love has disappeared we have to come to grips with that simple fact.
We all have issues to a greater or lesser extent. We also have worries, anxieties, insecurities.
All of which brings us to the conclusion, as the author states, that loving someone is a choice we make completely of our own volition.
. . you will realize that real love isn’t just a euphoric, spontaneous feeling—it’s a deliberate choice—a plan to love each other for better and worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. Of course, you don’t choose who you’re attracted to, but you definitely choose who you fall in love with and (more importantly) who you stay in love with.
It is about reality and pragmatism as much as it is about butterflies in the stomach and excitement.
As he says:
Real love, on the other hand, is like the north star in the storms of life; it is constant, sure, and true. Whenever we’re lost and confused we can find strength in the love that we have chosen.
Besides, life already offers us plenty of spontaneity: rejection, job loss, heartache, disappointment, despair, illness, and a host of other problems. We simply can’t abandon ship every time we encounter a storm in our marriage. Real love is about weathering the storms of life together.
So keep that in mind when you’re dating or building a relationship. Nothing is perfect, apart from the wonder of life itself. We all have our imperfections and “love” is as much a reflection of those as it is of those other wonderful things we like to think of as “perfect”.